Just when I thought 2020 would be a fun, thrilling year—it takes its best effort for the biggest plot twist in my entire years of existence.
It's my second year of working, so I've been hopeful. Working as an auditor surely took lots of space and time in my life, but I'm not complaining since it was my choice to begin with. I was grateful, I am grateful. Being an auditor means I would have to sacrifice the first quarter of the year dedicated for my job since it's what they called as "the peak season"; spreadsheets to prepare, deadlines to meet. I am delightfully accept that as the consequences, while looking forward for low season that usually begins in May (not that it means I don't have to prepare any more spreadsheets or working on deadlines).
Just when March is finally arrived and counting days to my finally low season—boom! the pandemic hits me (and practically the whole world). No more working from office and talking to friends or teammates, no more casual hang outs, no more going out for a coffee run in weekends, no more watching movies in cinema, no more accidentally meet strangers' eyes and smile at each other (since wearing masks is as mandatory as wearing seat belts), no more walking around the city without feeling afraid and insecure.
This year screams nothing but terror. People are dying, numbers are going up every day, vaccines are still a long way to go. It is as if nothing good this year could offer but misery and struggles that it almost feels like a terrible Sci-Fi movie plot.
Yet, I've been trying my best to survive and staying sane. So I'm writing this blog to remind myself years after, that even if life gives me lemon, I did everything I could to enjoy lemonade instead of whining about not having my matcha latte already.
On one fine and easy Sunday, I found myself listening to one of Japanese' renowned animation drama soundtrack; "One More Time, One More Chance" on repeat whilst contemplating about life.
That afternoon, I was randomly craving for the local instant noodles I haven't had in ages; so I decided to make one since it took less than five minutes. In the middle of the cooking process, suddenly I was reminded of the taste of the exact same instant noodles my grandma used to cook me back then. Then I thought to myself; how could an instant noodles a la my late grandma felt that good compared to mine or basically anyone's?? It's amazing how I could still vaguely taste the sweet slash salty-ish taste that seems to be only my grandma could make. And then I was reminded of this egg dish that my housemaid used to make. I couldn't even recall what she called it, but I do remember the taste. It was sweet, and it looked a little bit like an omelette but it wasn't, like it's somehow seasoned with ketchup but then again I wouldn't know for sure.
Hence, I walked down the memory lane to the moments where I thought would last forever—but don't. A family gathering in Puncak; where even the distant family members came as one and we played games together in the morning, had the roasted corn at night while doing the karaoke of Koes Plus or Frank Sinatra's songs. Sleeping next to my grandma at night while brushing my fingers off her wrinkles and her long white hair. Playing along with my cousins and nephews a day before Lebaran at my grandma's old neighborhood; where we used to climb the fence of nearby kindegarten so we could sneak in without getting caught. Trying out my new rollerskates and actually fell on my first attempt, and fell again on the second, and I kept on failing until I wasn't anymore—and I remember how I was in love with my rollerskates and I would wear it anytime, anywhere, including to the hospital on the day where my little brother was born. Driving around in motorbike with my father only so I could fell asleep since it was a little tricky to put me on sleep at night because I was this little kid that seemed to have infinite amount of energy; which my father and I, that time, referred it as "berpetualang". Watching Power Rangers for the first time with my little brother and saw the excitement on his eyes. Piggybacking my grandpa and grandma while strolling around the neighborhood in the morning; then watching their favorite Warkop DKI and Wiro Sableng's episodes afterward. Getting bullied on this bus that carry my friends and I home back then on our kindegarten days just because I told them I love pink, and a friend of mine thought I have no right into liking the same color as her.
Those random thoughts that popped up made me think a lot about no matter how time flies; how years and months and days and seconds passed by, somehow every feelings that we have had were still there under our unconsciousness. They still linger on; those moments last. We never forget a single thing we have had, a single moment we have felt, a single taste we have tried. Somehow, all of our past experiences were ceased to vanish—yet, they were eternal and we bring them with us to the future and they became a part of us; that if somebody ever try to unfold every layers that made us who we are now, they would find fragments of those feelings and moments there.
Anyway, here's the song called "One More Time, One More Chance" I mentioned earlier:
Nama Yayoi Kusama seolah menjadi tidak asing lagi dan tidak eksklusif bagi pekerja seni maupun orang-orang yang bergelut di seni saja ketika salah satu museum kontemporer di Jakarta (Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art in Nusantara atau singkatnya, Museum MACAN) menghadirkan karya-karya seniman asal Jepang yang terkenal dengan karya seninya yang didominasi oleh polkadot dengan warna yang vibrant dan colorful itu.
Mengingat pameran ini sifatnya temporer, maka mayoritas “kaum millenial”, so they say, berbondong-bondong berdatangan untuk melihat karyanya, dan tidak sedikit dari mereka yang mengerahkan segala usahanya untuk memakai pakaian yang proper agar kelak foto-fotonya dapat dijadikan konten untuk platform Instagram yang seolah-olah sudah menjadi makanan sehari-hari.
Fenomena kehadiran museum kontemporer yang mengusung karya-karya yang “Instagram-able” ini tentunya membuat beberapa orang menjadi bitter, tidak sedikit yang mengkritik dan mencemooh para millenials yang menurut mereka, hanya datang untuk berfoto, tapi sebenarnya tidak peduli dengan karya seni yang dihadirkan. Walaupun tentunya, tetap ada pula para pecinta seni yang memang hadir untuk melihat seni instalasi dan lukisan karya Yayoi Kusama dan ingin mengetahui arti di balik setiap karyanya.
Hal serupa juga terjadi seiring dengan menjamurnya penyair modern yang kerap dijuluki sebagai “Instagram Poet” seperti Lang Leav, Rupi Kaur, dan R.H Shin, di mana karya-karya mereka lahir dan tumbuh besar melalui sosial media seperti Instagram dan Tumblr; meninggalkan penyair-penyair lama seperti Sylvia Plath dan Pablo Neruda terpaksa harus berakhir di rak buku milik ibu mereka. Puisi-puisi ini bukan hanya dinilai mewakili perasaan yang dimiliki oleh para millenial, melainkan memiliki cover yang cantik dan ilustrasi-ilustrasi yang Instagram-able, sehingga cocok di bawa kemana-mana sebagai tambahan properti untuk mendapatkan hasil foto yang bagus dan menarik.
Lagi-lagi, hal ini menjadi bahan cemooh terhadap kaum millenial, bahwasannya buku-buku puisi yang kembali menjamur di toko buku sekarang sebenarnya hanya sebagai kebutuhan atau pemuas konten para millenial; bahwasannya menurut mereka-mereka yang bitter, sebenarnya kaum millenial ini tidak terlalu peduli dengan bacaan dan makna dari suatu puisi, melainkan mereka hanya ingin memotretnya lalu menyebarkannya di sosial media. Walaupun tentunya, tetap ada pula pecinta puisi yang memang menyukai makna implisit dari setiap puisi yang dibaca.
Lantas, apakah salah jika para “millenial” ini pergi ke museum hanya untuk sekadar befoto-foto ria? Atau jika mereka membeli buku-buku puisi hanya untuk memotretnya, lalu meng-upload-nya ke sosial media?
Menurut saya tidak.
Karena setidaknya, mereka sudah menunjukkan sedikit kepeduliannya akan perkembangan seni di Indonesia, walaupun beberapa orang masih bitter dalam menerima kenyataan ini. Memang, akan jauh lebih baik apabila saya, dan para millenial lainnya mengunjungi museum tidak hanya untuk berfoto-foto, melainkan untuk berkontemplasi dan memahami arti di balik setiap karya seni. Memang, akan jauh lebih baik apabila saya, dan para millenial lainnya membaca suatu karya tidak hanya untuk memotretnya lalu dijadikan konten untuk sosial media, melainkan memahami arti di balik setiap kata yang tertulis.
Namun pada akhirnya, sedikit bentuk kepedulian saja, ketimbang tidak sama sekali, bukankah sudah cukup baik? Perlahan tapi pasti, yang diawali dengan kebutuhan konten, bisa saja berkembang menjadi awal ketertarikan akan karya-karya seni lainnya. Perlahan tapi pasti, kami akan berkembang menjadi generasi yang lebih baik. Lantas, sudah saatnya kita berhenti menghakimi dan mulai saling memberi dukungan positif terhadap satu sama lain.
Nggak kerasa sekarang udah semester 7, semester (insyaAllah) terakhir di kampus. Layaknya semester-semester akhir pada kampus-kampus biasanya, gw pun juga lagi mengerjakan skripsi gw. Topiknya tentang earnings management, dan gw bersyukur dapet dosen pembimbing yang baik dan nggak terlalu susah untuk diajak bimbingan. Beliau juga memberi gw jawaban atas semua kebingungan-kebingungan gw, and I'm beyond thankful for that. Doain ya semoga lancar! :")
Walaupun (alhamdulillah) sejauh ini kegiatan perskripsian gw lancar-lancar aja, tapi harus diakui memang ada masanya dimana mental, hati, dan pikiran gw diuji. Entah kenapa kayak tiba-tiba ada panic attack aja gitu tiap mulai buka file "BAB 1" / "BAB 2". Ada pressure yang implisit, dan gw bingung sebenernya rasa itu datangnya dari mana, tapi gw tau perasaan tertekan itu memang ada.
Nah, biasanya kalo gw lagi ngerasa anxiety dan insecure kayak gini, gw dengerin lagu-lagu self-healing yang bisa bikin gw tenang. Entah karena liriknya, atau karena musiknya, atau bisa juga perpaduan dari dua-duanya. Beberapa lagu yang selama ini jadi andalan gw kalo lagi banyak pikiran itu biasanya lagu-nya Coldplay (terutama Fix You dan O), Sementara-nya Float, Sampai Jadi Debu-nya Banda Neira, Accross the Universe dan In My Life-nya The Beatles—dan kali ini, Kunto Aji dengan album Mantra Mantra-nya berhasil "menyihir" gw.
Kalo ada kata yang melebihi magis, this must be it. Lagu-lagu di album ini powerful, maknanya kuat, liriknya apik, dan musiknya di digubah dengan ciamik. Gw beruntung banget karena salah satu temen deket gw memperdengarkan album ini ketika kita di jalan pulang, dia bilang albumnya enak didengerin kalo lagi banyak pikiran dan bingung mau ngapain atau bingung mau cerita ke siapa.
Kalo mau denger full albumnya, ada di Youtube. Kunto Aji bikin playlist judulnya "Mantra-Mantra".
Sekarang, mumpung hari masih pagi dan gw udah sarapan, sekaligus gw masih mengumpulkan niat untuk ngerjain skripsi, jadi tiba-tiba terlintas di pikiran untuk nulis interpretasi lagu-lagu di album barunya Kunto Aji. FYI, ini nggak semua lagunya ya, cuma lagu-lagu yang bener-bener meninggalkan kesan buat gw.
1. Sulung
Lagu ini ajaib. 1 menit 54 detik yang paling cepet bikin air mata tumpah dan hati rasanya langsung seketika tenang. Selalu merinding kalo denger lagu ini. Liriknya sederhana, cuma: "Cukupkanlah.. ikatanmu. Relakanlah yang tlah seharusnya untukmu" dan diulang2 terus sampai di akhir lagu baru ada, "Yang sebaiknya kau jaga.. adalah dirimu sendiri".
Berhubung gw anak sulung, jadi lagu ini mengandung makna yang cukup dalem sih buat gw. Sulung ini kayak seolah-olah meminta anak-anak pertama, anak-anak Sulung, untuk ikhlas menerima kenyataan kalau kita-kita ini anak pertama, yang memang harus jadi tulang punggung keluarga (kelak) dan harus rela memikul tanggung jawab yang besar. Lirik yang cuma 2 bait itu cukup untuk menyampaikan pesan kalau sebagai anak sulung, kita harus bisa jadi contoh yang baik untuk adik-adik, harus jadi anak yang sukses supaya bisa bantu orang tua kita nanti, dan harus ikhlas mengalah sama adik.
Tapi, di sini Kunto cukup adil. Di akhir lagu dia mengingatkan para anak-anak sulung kalau kita nggak melulu harus menjaga, menghalah, dan mendahulukan adik kita, ada kalanya kita tetep harus mementingkan kesenangan diri (tanpa merugikan adik, tentunya).
2. Saudade
Judul "Saudade"-nya ini sendiri menurut gw udah tergolong magis. Soalnya, Saudade itu nggak ada terjemahannya bahkan dalam bahasa Inggris. Kalo menurut Wikipedia, ini definisinya:
"Saudade is a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never return.
Saudade was once described as "the love that remains" after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places, or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again.
It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one's children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends, pets) or something (e.g., places, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings altogether, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling."
Lagunya melankolis, tapi asik banget! Wajar sih soalnya musiknya diproduksi sama Bam Mastro. Nah, makna yang gw tangkap, Saudade ini lebih kayak lagu dari orang tua untuk anak. Di bagian ini, terdengar seperti wejangan untuk anaknya, "Jadi besar dan bestari, serap serap yang baik untukmu.. apapun yang terjadi."
Dan keseluruhan lagu ini menurut gw menggambarkan harapan-harapan dan doa dari orang tua bagi anaknya (apalagi pas bagian "Perjalanan, takdir dan kenangan.. berselimut doa, hangatnya akan terjaga..") agar kelak tumbuh besar menjadi orang yang bermanfaat, dan sebagai orang tua, mereka menjanjikan untuk selalu ada bagi anak-anak mereka, dan akan selalu menyambut ketika anak-anak mereka lelah dengan dunia dan ingin pulang; "Disana berdirilah engkau, dengan senyuman dan keping harapan.. Di belakang, tempatmu bersandar.. tanganku terbuka kapan pun kau ingat pulang.."
3. Rehat
Magis dan mewah. Itu sih 2 kata yang paling pas untuk menggambarkan lagu ini. Nationalanthem bagi jiwa-jiwa yang gelisah, jiwa-jiwa yang ragu dan bingung, jiwa-jiwa yang merasa bersalah, jiwa-jiwa yang nggak ikhlas akan suatu kejadian. Lagu ini, persis seperti judulnya, emang bikin pikiran "Rehat" dari hal-hal yang mengganggu; "Tenangkan hati, semua ini bukan salahmu.. Jangan berhenti, yang kau takutkan takkan terjadi.. Kita coba lagi, untuk lain hari.. Yang ditunggu, yang diharap, biarkanlah semesta bekerja.. untukmu."
Lagu ini berdurasi 5 menit 54 detik, tapi dari menit ke 3.11 sampe terakhir, diisi oleh instrumen. Cantik dan magical. Jenis lagu yang menyihir pendengarnya untuk healing dan bangkit. Mengingatkan gw sama lagu-lagu klasik, dan kalo dibikin film, instrumen ini cocok jadi latar belakang suara ketika malam hari, pemerannya lagi menelusuri pinggir laut atau sungai sambil narik nafas dan teriak sekencang-kencangnya, lalu terduduk dan nangis tersedu-sedu. Bukan, bukan meratapi nasib, tapi jenis tangisan yang keluar karena merasa lega sudah bisa melampiaskan emosi dan bebannya ke luar dari tubuhnya.
Musiknya sendiri diproduksi sama Petra Sihombing, dan terkait dengan instrumen ini, gw pernah baca di Instagramnya Petra kalo Kunto sendiri yang minta untuk ada "momen kontemplasi intsrumental yang agak lama" dan terinspirasi dari Solfeggio Frequencies. Jadi, emang ini idenya datang dari Kunto, dan Petra berhasil menerjemahkan keinginan Kunto dengan sangat, sangat apik. Menurut Petra, ini juga pertama kalinya dia bikin komposisi instrumental selama itu dalam lagu.
Tambahan kata yang pas untuk menggambarkan Rehat; gila!
4. Jakarta Jakarta
Satu lagi lagu di album ini yang diproduksi Petra Sihombing, musiknya asik parah! Cocok didengerin pas lagi macet-macetan di jalan pulang menuju rumah. Dan lagu ini ada "jumpscare"-nya di menit ke 1.04 yang bikin gw kaget karena transisinya drastis banget hahaha.
Pada intinya, lagu ini menggambarkan perasaan semua warga Jakarta sih. Sebenernya capek sama kondisi ibukota ini; hingar bingar, berisik, macet, gaduh, dan bikin capek, tapi di satu sisi, kota ini juga yang membentuk gw jadi diri gw yang kuat dan tegar kayak sekarang. Jadi, semacam bittersweet love sih ya.
Makna lain dari Jakarta Jakarta ini menurut gw, adalah supaya kita menolak semangat kita dipadamkan dan dikalahkan oleh apapun; apalagi cuman karena ibukota yang terkenal kejam ini! Toh, karena "kekejaman" ibukota juga yang bikin kita bisa jadi pribadi yang lebih tangguh. "Jakarta, Jakarta dan kenangannya.. berpacu memburu impianku..Sekeras-kerasnya.. benturkan.. bentuklah dirimu."
5. Bungsu
Nggak, ini bukan lagu Sulung yang salah judul jadi Bungsu. Itu juga yang pertama kali gw rasain ketika denger lagu ini; "Hah?? Salah nggak sih ini judulnya Bungsu tapi lirik dan nadanya sama?!" hahaha ternyata gw kurang teliti. Lagu ini durasinya lebih lama, 2 menit 10 detik dan kalau didengarkan baik-baik, ternyata liriknya beda.
"Cukupkanlah ikatanmu.. relakanlah yang tak seharusnya untukmu.. Sebelum kau menjaga.. merawat.. melindungi segala yang berarti.. Yang sebaiknya kau jaga, adalah dirimu sendiri.."
Kalau di Bungsu ini, menurut gw, anak-anak terakhir yang cenderung lekat dengan stereotype 'manja' dan 'apa-apa harus diturutin' diingatkan untuk "relakanlah yang tak seharusnya untukmu", maksudnya adalah supaya mereka ini nggak egois. Walaupun anak bungsu, tapi nggak boleh juga minta semua hal yang kakaknya punya. Ini lagu kayak teguran sih ya bagi anak bungsu, karena cara Kunto menyanyikan lagu ini juga seolah-olah "tegas" dibanding yang Sulung (kalau Sulung, lebih terdengar seperti menenangkan).
Premisnya sederhana, tapi maknanya itu loh!
6. Pilu Membiru
Buat yang pernah kehilangan dan berpisahnya secara tiba-tiba, lagu ini kental menggambarkan perasaan yang belum hilang. Perasaan yang masih tertinggal. Walaupun tentunya banyak orang yang menginterpretasikan lagu ini sebagai lagu romansa untuk mantan pacar atau seseorang dari masa lalu, tapi secara personal gw merasa lagu ini pas banget menggambarkan perasaan gw setelah ditinggal mbah gw. Nggak pernah nggak banjir kalo denger lagu ini. Mas Kun, terima kasih banyak karena sudah menciptakan lagu semagis ini.
Di bagian; "Akhirnya kulihat lagi sederhana tanpa banyak cela, wangimu.. berlalu. Akhirnya kulihat lagi jemarimu yang bergerak bebas, seiring.. tawamu." ini gw anggap, gw bertemu sama mbah gw lagi walaupun hanya di mimpi. Dan gw sadar kalau posisi beliau itu nggak akan tergantikan oleh siapapun, "Tak ada yang seindah matamu, hanya rembulan.. Tak ada yang selembut sikapmu, hanya lautan.. Tak tergantikan, walau kita tak lagi saling menyapa.."
Dan, ada bagian yang bikin gw merinding dari lagu ini, yaitu pas bagian Kunto nyanyi "Masih banyak yang belum sempat aku katakan padamu.. Masih banyak belum sempat, aku sampaikan padamu.."
Mbah, if I could turn back the time, I would love to go back to that night. I wish I hugged you tighter that night. I wish I told you how much you mean to me, how much I love you and need you by my side.. :")
I think in life, we can never go back to become strangers with people that have seen our soul. Why? Because we learned the hard way that to let someone else see the real us, to unfold each and every part of us that is long hidden and kept behind the closed door, is not easy.
To me, opening up to someone is the most challenging thing to do. I don't trust people easily, 'though I can say that I'm an extrovert person. To start the conversations with someone new is never an issue to me, but to open up about everything that I've been trying so hard to hide—that is the trickiest part. Sometimes I just want people to see the bright side of me; the me who always smiles and laughs at everything even the lamest joke, and tend to hide the so-called 'dark' side; the me who stays up late at night, contemplating and wondering about life and the meaning of it. Why? Because just like every human beings, I'm also afraid of rejection. I'm afraid once people see me and not the one that I try to show the world, they will distance themselves because they'd think that the complexity of my thoughts is unbearable. Or they'd simply can't stand me.
That's why, once I let my guards off to a particular person, I don't think I can ever see them as strangers, not even close. In my case, this could happen with long-lost best friend, who is nowhere near at the moment. Maybe because they went study overseas so it's hard to communicate, maybe because they were busy with their current life, or maybe simply because we had a big fight and neither of us brave enough to apologize. This could also happen with particular old lover, whose face I barely remember since it's quite a long time since the last time we bumped into each other. But just like Chbosky wrote in his The Perks of Being a Wallflower (and you're listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite); no matter what happens next in the future, at that one brief moment, you and I both knew that we loved each other and that 'love' is not just wasteful words, and that for once in a long time, we finally trust another living being to see our soul; to see our broken dreams and hopes, to hear about stories we want to forget the most, to understand the depth of our soul.
So, can we really call these people strangers? Can we stare into their eyes long enough and not see the reflection of ourselves there, even just a glimpse? Can we talk to them casually as if they had never hear our loudest scream, never seen our most sorrowful tears? Can we ask them how they have been doing without the desire to ask whether or not they are happy with their lives now, or whether they have made peace with things they used to struggle the most?
I'll take no as the answer. No, I don't think we have the capacity to completely become strangers with people who have seen our soul. I think the only thing that we could do is pretending as if they have became one.
In my perspective, depression is not a disease that can be "cured" or "battled over", yet it is a constant battle for the rest of our lives. It is probably the hardest battle human beings will ever go to because we don't fight our enemies, instead the fight is inside of us; we fight our own demons. And for a little while, they might be at rest and we might seem okay BUT inevitably, someday they will hit back; creeping our thoughts and win us over. It could happen at one sleepless night, or worse it could happen in the middle of the day when we were laughing with our friends while suddenly it hits us. Thus, this matter should be taken seriously and to have it discussed with the families and friends SHOULD NOT be taboo.
The prevention? Well, almost likely impossible because as I said, depression is not a disease. It doesn't have symptoms like most of disease or illness have as it is different for everybody. One may seem super happy and cheering everyone up at the outside, while the others may seem introvert and lack of social interaction—while the truth is, both of them are in pain and hurting inside. As a Moslem, in my religion, the best way to prevent is to get ourselves closer to God by sending our prayers and doing good deeds in hope that God will put our soul at peace.
The reason? It occurs differently to everyone. It could be because of the pressure from the family or the job, could be love affairs, traumatic events, sadness or grief over death/loss of the closest ones, and there are many more reasons. Underline my word, we CAN NOT compare one to another as there's no such thing like 'everyone else is having it worse than you, but they keep on living' because depression is beyond compare, nothing is better or worse. The cure? As far as I know, the right move is to make appointment with the psychiatrist (sometimes it takes two and three trials until you find the right one, don't give up on the first try!) and to let our family and friends know about our mental health. It is important to remind ourselves that we are not alone in this battle, that every one CARES if you would only tell them. Or if you don't feel like seeking help verbally, write about it. Write until you feel at ease. Write everything that you feel, every dark thoughts that you think, every decisions you'd want to make. Write it and let it out, and give it to your close ones to let them know how you are feeling inside.
As for depression itself, the only thing we can do is to endure it as long as possible, but can it really be endured forever, alone? NO. It can not be done alone. So that's why people need each other, and if any of your loved ones seem to be in pain, or seem to be different even just a slight, please be there for them and understand that mental health is important. Don't EVER make a joke about it by saying "attention seeker" as we will never know their battles and their struggles.
So be kind, always. ALWAYS. For everyone we meet is fighting against a battle we know nothing about. Spread love and kindness, not anger and hatred.
I have been writing for as long as I live. I still remember the first time my parents bought a computer for me back then when I was still in elementary school. I remember my first writing was about fairies (inspired by Fairy Odd Parents), 'though I didn't quite capture it clearly on my memory.
Beside writing fictions, I was also quite a blogger until junior high days. Then, there was this social media outbreak everywhere. I started pressing the pause button when in high school, I was on Instagram and Twitter a lot back then, even though I was still endlessly write fictions and short story in my laptop. I know that no one's actually read those stories, but still they gave me a liberating feeling; that amidst this uncertainty of life, I could still at least control my stories and the characters inside of them. I could give them a life I could never live.
By the end of high school, I found a suitable platform for my fictions: Wattpad. I went for "Pizzajunkie" as an alias, and decided not to reveal my personal information. What started as a media for me to express, it turns out that people actually loved my stories. It was the first time in my life I gain the recognition and encouragement about my writing. I was confident enough, and my friends started telling me that I'm talented (even though I'm not really sure about that). But in the end of the day, it comes to my realization that when you create something from your heart, it will passed on to the hearts of people who read or see it.
For me, writing is a passion I would never lose affection for. It helps me escape from reality, it heals wound through sentences, it lets me live a thousand lives and see the world from different perspectives. I could be everything I want and be in every places my heart desires.
